Sorry To Myself

For hearing all my doubts so selectively
For continuing my numbing relentlessly
For helping you and myself, not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioningTo whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No ones been crueler than I've been to meFor letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional
For denying myself to somehow make us compatible
For trying to fit a rectangle into a hallTo whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No ones been crueler than I've been to meI'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody elseFor blaming myself for your unhappiness
And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready
And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to beTo whom do I owe the first apology?
No ones been crueler than I've been to meAnd Im sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
Im sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody elseWell, I wonder which crime is the biggest
Forgetting you or forgetting myself
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would've naturally loved the formerFor ignoring you, my highest voices
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious
For being so disassociated from my body
And not letting go when it would've been the kindest thingTo whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No ones been crueler than I've been to meAnd Im sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
Im sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody elseIm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
Im sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else