Mustang Ranch

Hey, we got a job outta the way--
from Salt Lake City to San Francisco overnight.
Been a long drive, man--
ain't nothing to do.
We was bored of all the waitin'.
Me and Bill was up in the front,
I said, "Man is that a UFO?"
He said, "I think it is.
I think there's two of 'em."
I said, "Man, is that place Mustang Ranch on the way?"
He said, "Yeah, let's call 'em up."Called the girl up on the phone
She said "Hello?"
I said, "How much would it be
for me to come over and get my-- my-- my--
...My ham glazed?"
She said,Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy..."Our price is love, baby--
You jus' gon' have to come here and see."We rolled up in there
'round 7 o'clock in the mornin'.
See a big ol' fat dude comin' up,
comin' around the corner with a gun on his hip.
He said, "What y'all want?"
"We just tryin' to come o'er here an' get our ham roasted."
He said, "I need to see some ID."Showed him my ID--
He got up in the van.
An' Dagwood back there sleepin' like he always is.
Dude put his flashlight in his face,
Dagwood woke up an' said "What's goin' on?"
He said,Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy..."Gonna need some ID, boys.
You gon' come in here an messin' with my girls."Went up in there,
and two big ol' fat girls come on,
sitting on both sides of me.
They say, "What's up, baby?"
I said, "Nuh, what's going on with y'all?"
They say, "Whatchu want?"
I said, "I just want my ham to get glazed."
She said, "Well c'mon here in the back,
let's talk about it."She said, "You need a threesome."
I said, "I need-- it only take one
to get my ham glazed."
She said, "How much money you got?"
I said ''Bout twenty dollars."
She said,Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..."You gonna need more than that, boy.
I ain't no damn street walker."Gonna rock that Ranch, baby.
Gets in the way you breathe.Now Bill got the finest one in the house.
She came out the back all in her underwear,
lookin' fine and he was jealous.
She took him by the hand,
and he went back to the jungle room.
And his teeth were chattin',
And he was sweating bullets,
Cause he was so damn scared.
And she sat him down on the couch
Put her hand on his leg.
And said "Whatchu wanna do to me"
He said, "I want my ham to be glazed."
She said, "How much money you got?"
He said, "Twenty dollars."
She said,Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy..."You gonna need more than that, boy.
Thinkin' that you been gonna get with me."That Mustang Ranch, baby.
Gettin' in the way you breathe.