Look Out, There's a Monster Coming

Lonely, unmarried, looking for love,

Life was passing me by.

So I sent off my photo, hobbies and age;

Magazine marriage I tried.

They say for centuries lovely Japanese girls

Have been trained in the art of pleasing men.

Be lonely no more, open destiny's door.

For one dollar they arrange a meeting.



My image was wrong, I didn't like me,

So I changed my personality.

I bought a delux Merseybeat wig

But it was a size too big.

What confidence in my new built-up shoes,

So smart for winter or summer.

Undetectable in normal everyday use.



Look out there's a monster coming!



Bye-bye binoculars and macintosh,

Everything is just great.

I take elocution, learn to speak posh

But still I can't find a mate.

Be popular, learn to play the guitar,

In seven days you could be strumming.

Be sociable, learn kissing technique.



Look out there's a monster coming!



Carnaby clothes, I reshaped my nose,

Plastic surgery's best.

To cut down my weight off comes my left leg.

I pass a swimming costume test.

Are my sideboards too long,

Don't my aftershave pong?

I know my new nose ain't runnin'.

What's wrong with my tie?

Am I getting too high?



Look out there's a monster coming!



Disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair

I had removed electrically.

I rejuvenated my energy cells

And regained my virility (grunt grunt).

(He put my hand on my heart?),

(I am changing the part?).

He had a machine for a mummy.

Please be gentle with me:

I come to pieces literally.



Look out there's a monster coming!

Look out there's a monster coming!

Look out there's a monster coming!

(...fade)